Ready or Not!

Parker's team evaluation for developmental delay starts tomorrow.  In approximately 40 hours we will (hopefully) have a diagnosis and definitely have a plan of action.  I was excelling at not over-thinking it until an hour ago.  My heart started to race and I was suddenly scared and nervous for what may come.  It was such a relief to have this day scheduled 2 weeks ago, but now it's terrifying.  

I am worried that he will be in a bad mood or not want to do anything for the doctors.  I am worried that the hour long break between appointments tomorrow will not be enough to feed him and drive around till he falls asleep.  I am worried that if he doesn't nap (even for 20 minutes) he will be a crabby terror for his second appointment.  I am worried that they won't be able to tell us what is wrong, that they won't know how to treat him.  I am worried about how many appointments he may need a week.  I am worried about accommodating all his needs and still working full time.  I want to give him everything possible, but I am worried that I won't be able to.  Selfishly, I am worried how this will change our lives.  The time, the energy, the money that already seems so slim sometimes.

And then I look for peace.  I have not found it yet, in this moment.  I am hoping it is there when I wake up, or leave the house, or walk into that office tomorrow.

I don't know what will happen, but I know God has a plan for us.  A plan for Parker.  God made him perfect, no matter what the world says.  I know that no matter what happens, I will wake up to the same smiling face.  The same happy boy.  He is my heart and soul, my everything.

Thanks for listening.