Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Ready or Not!

Parker's team evaluation for developmental delay starts tomorrow.  In approximately 40 hours we will (hopefully) have a diagnosis and definitely have a plan of action.  I was excelling at not over-thinking it until an hour ago.  My heart started to race and I was suddenly scared and nervous for what may come.  It was such a relief to have this day scheduled 2 weeks ago, but now it's terrifying.  

I am worried that he will be in a bad mood or not want to do anything for the doctors.  I am worried that the hour long break between appointments tomorrow will not be enough to feed him and drive around till he falls asleep.  I am worried that if he doesn't nap (even for 20 minutes) he will be a crabby terror for his second appointment.  I am worried that they won't be able to tell us what is wrong, that they won't know how to treat him.  I am worried about how many appointments he may need a week.  I am worried about accommodating all his needs and still working full time.  I want to give him everything possible, but I am worried that I won't be able to.  Selfishly, I am worried how this will change our lives.  The time, the energy, the money that already seems so slim sometimes.

And then I look for peace.  I have not found it yet, in this moment.  I am hoping it is there when I wake up, or leave the house, or walk into that office tomorrow.

I don't know what will happen, but I know God has a plan for us.  A plan for Parker.  God made him perfect, no matter what the world says.  I know that no matter what happens, I will wake up to the same smiling face.  The same happy boy.  He is my heart and soul, my everything.

Thanks for listening.


  1. Thinking and praying for you this morning. You are a beautiful mother and God will give you & Jimmy the grace you need today (and always). I love the pictures you posted of Parker. It captures so much feeling and emotion. Ava, Kolbe, Danny and I love you all.

    1. Thanks Julie! Your friendship has meant so much. I am truly blessed to share life with you.