A year ago last Friday I was broken. I spent most of that evening balling. Not just crying, balling! I was mostly inconsolable. We got Parker's autism diagnosis on a Thursday. The only positive part was I only had one day of work to try to muscle through without melting into a puddle of tears. I remember it took weeks for everything to feel real and a month before I felt I had any grasp (it was a very tiny one at that point) on the journey we were just thrust in to. 11 months later that journey has just become life.
We are in the middle of our 1 year re-evaluation and that has brought a lot of emotions back to the surface. All of the appointments and therapy have been focused on learning new things and praising the progress. This evaluation is all about how he is still delayed and the things that we need to be concerned about. My heart is breaking again. We have had so many great successes in the last year. So many tiny little baby steps that a lot of parents just glaze over (not because they aren't important, but because most kids breeze through them.) Filling out all the surveys reminds me of all the things he isn't doing yet. I know that the outcome of his re-evaluation is not going to be as emotional as last year, but I still don't want to hear those words.
No matter what I am going to maintain a positive attitude. That is what has kept us moving forward over the last year and will continue to be key in the years to come. I am so proud of the progress that Parker has made and so excited to watch him grow every day. As I was putting him to bed tonight I was overflowing with love and joy watching him play. I am so blessed to be his mom and I can't wait to see where his super powers take him.
I have said it before and will say it again, thank you for being with me on this journey. Thank you for letting me vent to you when needed and for listening without judgment. Your support has meant the world to our family.