Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Trying to beat the worry

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we are getting Parker evaluated for developmental delays.  We haven't gotten the call to schedule through our clinic yet, but our school district referral did go through.  I got a call from our district's early childhood special education team to set up an evaluation.  It will be solely focused on education, where the clinic one will be more in depth.  We have an appointment in a couple weeks, which is a relief.  At least we can get the ball rolling.  Based on my conversation with the district, Parker should easily qualify for services.  I think these services will be free since they are part of the public school system (that's where my tax dollars go!)

While this is a step in the right some direction, I still have to fight off the worry.  I am helping out in my church's kids programming this summer.  I have decided to help in the waddlers since that is where Parker is.  He stayed with my parents this Sunday so I was able to focus solely on the other kids.  I got down a bit as I watched and listened to the other kids Parker's age.  It was tough to hear all of the things they saying and see the things they were doing that Parker isn't.  I just want my baby to be like the rest of the kids.  I know he will be ok, but it is tough to think about your child having struggles.

Last night I had a strange dream.  I rarely remember my dreams so I always try to write them down when I do.  At first, I only remembered that I was crying in my dream.  They were happy tears, but I couldn't recall was caused them.  Then, I was sitting at my desk and it came to me.  Parker had come up to me and said "Parker love Mama."  Every parent dreams of the day their child can express love in words.  It made me wonder if I will get to hear that and how long it may take to come.  He doesn't even call me mama, mommy, or mom.  I know that I will get those words some day, but, like all things, the waiting is the hardest part.  I know that he loves me, otherwise he wouldn't cry when I leave a room.

For now I will just have to pray for a calm heart and try to be patient.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14:27


  1. This blog has become the perfect spot for you to talk about subjects that are very difficult, and I applaud you for your courage! Parker is, from what I've seen of him, a happy kid, and that is what is important. You may have a long road ahead, but know that God, family and friends are right there with you.

    1. Thanks Annie. Your encouragement and support means a lot to me. This blog has become more than I imagined it would when I started almost 2 years ago an I am sure that it will only continue to change as we go on this journey.

  2. I love you Lesa, Jimmy & Parker! Hang in there.